I want to give my sincerest apologies for missing out on days 13-17 of Blogmas. I was very excited to give you a new post daily, but unfortunately, we had a death in the family and I was a bit disconnected for a few days. This did give me something to think about, though. Holidays are tough on people who are missing their loved ones! We need to be more sensitive to this fact, and for those who have lost loved ones, I want to get serious today. Below, I have listed some good ways to remain happy for the holidays, even after losing a loved one, or missing a loved one who has been gone for a while now. I use these myself!
Fill Up on Happy Memories
Think of all the times you had with them before they passed! There are beautiful memories that come up when you are doing random things at any given time, but take the time to really dig in. Think of Christmases past that were extra special. I always have this amazing memory of wrapping presents with my Grandma every single year. She would be tucked in her bedroom hideout. I would come in and gladly provide the tape. Those memories push me to love Christmas just as she did. I’m grateful to have experienced as many as I did with her!
Picture Them Here
If your loved one could be there or at least see you, what would they think? Would they congratulate you on your year’s accomplishments? Would they hug you so tight? Would they love your husband just as much as you do? Did you think of the perfect gift for them? Sometimes getting lost in your imagination is as close as you can get to the real thing.
Write Them a Letter
If you have the words to say, write them down. If you are craving that conversation, getting the words out on paper can be freeing, therapeutic, and just might help bring you some joy. Personally, I draft an email when I am craving a chat with my grandma. She was one tech savvy lady! Always had the newest electronic. She didn’t have an email, but I know she would now. If you looked at my email drafts- you might think I’ve gone mad. It just helps!
Include Them in the Holiday
Do something, make a tradition, just find a way to keep them in the special days. If you are missing them, there is no point in just “pretending” nothing happened, or trying to go back to making everything the same! Acknowledge their absence, but find a way to fill the void. Depending on the mood of your family get-together, you could hold a candle lighting, say a few words, sing their favorite carol, or do as my family often does- just tell stories! It’s good to be gathered with loved ones who understand your pain. They can play an important part in making sure you think of them fondly without being too sad.
Cry
Simple as that. There isn’t a holiday that goes by (even after 10 years) that I don’t just cry. It may come at an unexpected time, it may come just when you figured it would, but take the time and allow yourself to grieve. You’re human! You miss them! It may be just what you need, but also be sure to come back from the pain and into the happiness they would want you to experience. Don’t dwell, but know that it’s okay to cry if that’s in your process.
I hope you all have a happy holiday! I’m sorry for your losses, but I know first hand that the memory can be a beautiful and healing thing. Happy Blogmas Day 18! Only one more week until Christmas!
